Aprezada Paulina:
Hoxe foi un día difícil. Cheguei moi cansa e chea de dúbidas e pensamentos destes que che fan difícil avanzar, fluir e incluso vivir. O que che escribín onte foi mentira. Non perdín o medo. Hoxe me sentín como se o medo me quixera dar unha lección para deixarme ben claro que seguía aí a salto de mata. Hoxe ben me facía falla algo de máxia, axuda da deusa ou do universo ou chámao como queiras, precisaba algo como as peras na vida de Belém (xa che contarei). Non sei nin por onde comezar e como estou tan dispersa vou escribir así… sen fío, sen meta, sen continuidade na historia.
-querer estar ao final do proceso cando aínda se está no comezo non é nada motivador
-“O camiño é a meta” e “Non importa o resultado” dínolo moito dende que as filosofías orientais se fixeron sitio no noso día a día. Pero quen pode vivir así no profundo occidente? Pensei que eu si pero ao final é que non! Teño que recoñecer que quero ver resultados e cartos e roupa bonita, un coche diante da miña casa e moitos libros na estantería e dicir de todo que me pertence.
–non sei quen son
-Como facerlle sentir ao público o que sinte a muller cando se fai consciente de que non é todo o que é porque é muller? – Como fai sentir esa falta de privilexio?
-sempre quixen ser diferente ca min
-síntome como o coello en Alicia no país das marabillas – chego tarde
-xa non quero sacar material que me parece que queda chulo e logo compoñer un espectáculo como viña facendo, quero outra cousa
–agora creo dende outro corpo que cando comecei con AMOR, creo dende un corpo que pariu un fillo – conéctome como nai e todo este tempo esqucínme de valorar isto; son igual que a sociedade onde vivo; esquezo de valorarme; nos mesmas non nos valoramos
-téñome que aguantar e resistir o desexo de satisfacer a miña impaciencia por ver un resultado, teño que observar e estar atenta
-ser muller = ter medo ?
–quero que AMOR sexa un proceso – dar premisas como por exemplo andar en circulo ou estar sentada na cadeira e ver que pasa, tódolos días e incluso en tódalas actuiacións (isto é terreo descoñecido, como te escribín na miña última carta, é isto do que son consciente agora e xa non me da tanto medo, é unha marabilla, non sei se son capaz de explicar isto para que o entendas)
Ao final téñoche que dicir que despois de acabar o ensaio escribíndoche esta carta, quedei contenta. Saio do Salón da Regadeira de Adela contenta. Cun sorriso e unha canción nos beizos.
Mándache moitos agarimos,
a túa amiga Helen.
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